People

One of my favorite things to do as a teenager was to people watch. I used to choose a high traffic spot in the mall (or walmart…it’s a long story) and watch as people walked by so consumed in their own lives that they forgot what they were doing. At times people were lost, you could tell those ones because they would look thoroughly confused and then just finally give up and make a decision at the last second in hopes of finding what they were suppose to be looking for. On occasion they would be back within a few minutes walking the opposite direction hoping for guidance and remembrance of where they were suppose to be going.

Then of course there were the empty people, these were the people who would put one foot in front of another, not really knowing where they were going and not really caring where they ended up. They just walk to walk because that is what they were suppose to do. The majority of the time these were the career type individuals who looked as if they had purpose but had forgotten how to live life.

The third type of people I saw where the panicky people. We all know this type of people, you know, the ones that make you uptight just looking at them. They would be practically running from one place to another afraid to lose an opportunity and always missing out on the best ones. I like to call these people the do it all mommy's, because the majority of the time they would be surrounded by children and bags and cell phones and only God knows what else.

The children with the do it all mommy's were the most fun to watch though. Oblivious to the plight of their adult counterparts they would stare in awe at the wonders of their surroundings, finding entertainment and joy in the things around them. They would stop to say hello to a shopper passing by or laugh out loud at a person they found funny.

Looking back in time I realize that in the past I have at one time or another filled every single one of these shoes. I have felt lost and in need of guidance, I have felt empty and stuck, unable to get out of my current predicament, and I have felt panicky always wondering if the next step I took would find me in a place of dissatisfaction and stress. Yet I find that the role I play least of all is the careless child. I more often then not find myself as a shopper passing by and wishing that I could have back that sense of simplicity, wonder and love that is so evident in the face of an innocent child.

A Fairy Tale

I watch movies a lot, especially the chick flic, girly movies. I know people say that it is a waste of time and can give unrealistic expectations to people, but I don't care, I love them. I get caught up in the story line and where the characters are going and what they are doing and I find myself in a world where anything can happen. I realize that these are only stories, they are only glimpses into the minds of peoples wildest dreams and imaginations, but I find myself seeing reality through rose colored glasses at times.

I believe that if in my wildest dreams and imaginations I am able to understand life more clearly, then it is merely an expression of the person that I long to be and the life I want to lead. Let me say that one more time…. I believe that if in my wildest dreams and imaginations I am able to understand life more clearly, then it is merely an expression of the person that I long to be and the life I want to lead. Try to wrap your mind around that statement. Basically what that means is this: In my dreams I become the person that I desire to be. When I lay the story of my life out in front of me I want to see it as a love story brilliantly played out on the screen before me.

I believe that when I am able to see my life in that way then my life becomes something entirely different. It becomes a picture that defines who I am, but more importantly who God was to me. A saying that I find to be interesting and very true is this. "Life is a tapestry." That is a true statement and quite simple, you can be going one direction one day and the opposite way the next. You constantly think to yourself how badly you are messing things up and what a mess your life has become. When you look back at the bigger picture of life, specifically, when you look at the tapestry of your life you realize that everything that happened was for a purpose. The end result paints a glorious portrait of life and it shows the divine nature of a God that works everything together for his own purpose.

A portrait of God...

I often wonder, how can someone that I have never seen or touched be such an intricate part of my life? How can a God who created everything care so much that he reaches down and touches the most secretive part of me? It makes me wonder how people can go through life all alone. How do they deal with problems and broken relationships by themselves? This thought breaks my heart, I even sometimes cry when I see people so miserable and living without hope. Then I have to kick myself because I allow myself to be miserable when I don't have any reason to be because I want to feel sorry for myself.

Recently God revealed himself to me in a way that GOT MY ATTENTION. I will get a little more in depth in the latter part of this blog but I want to share briefly a little bit of it with you now. I am a very stubborn person. I am also very independent which makes out for a very interesting combination when it comes to dealing with authority. In recent times every area of my life has been turned upside down. Let me illustrate. In June of 2008 I lost my job, my fiancé, my apartment, my stability and I realized at that time that I also had lost my self-worth. I was miserable, and rightly so. Worn out and hopeless I stumbled across a couple of verses from the book of Isaiah that gave me a reality check. Here they are:

ISAIAH 40:28-31 NLT

HAVE YOU NOT KNOWN?

HAVE YOU NOT HEARD?

THE EVERLASTING GOD, THE LORD

THE CREATOR OF THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

NEITHER FAINTS NOR IS WEARY.

HIS UNDERSTANDING IS UNSEARCHABLE.

HE GIVES POWER TO THE WEAK.

AND TO THOSE WHO HAVE NO MIGHT HE INCREASES STRENGTH.

EVEN THE YOUTH SHALL FAINT AND BE WEARY,

AND THE YOUNG MEN SHALL UTTERLY FALL.

BUT THOSE WHO WAIT ON THE LORD SHALL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH.

THEY SHALL MOUNT UP ON WINGS LIKE EAGLES,

THEY SHALL RUN AND NOT BE WEARY.

THEY SHALL WALK AND NOT FAINT.

ISAIAH 41:10,13 NLT

FEAR NOT FOR I AM WITH YOU;

BE NOT DISMAYED FOR I AM YOUR GOD.

I WILL STRENGTHEN YOU, YES I WILL HELP YOU.

I WILL UPHOLD YOU WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND.

FOR I, THE LORD YOUR GOD, WILL HOLD YOUR RIGHT HAND

SAYING TO YOU 'FEAR NOT, I WILL HELP YOU.'

These verse instantly hit a cord with me. It was like God was saying to me, “Don’t you get it? I am God. I am capable of everything you’re not. I can do everything because I have all power. Oh and by the way, my desire is for you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be filled and I want you to soar on wings like eagles because of the mighty work I am able to accomplish in your life. Oh and to top it all off I am going to hold your hand through it all”

WOW…WOW…WOW. Aren’t those verses amazing? I get chills everytime I read them. I want to go share with everyone who God is when I read those segments of Isaiah. The thought of God caring enough for me to even want to see me be happy and succeed in life is overwhelming. Not to mention it gives me a sense of awe when thinking about the character of the ALMIGHTY GOD (El- Elyon). The Bible says that there is no one like our God. It explains a God of love a God of wrath a God with fights our battles for us, and a God of peace. Yet so often it is easy to overlook the fact that he desire to have a personal relationship with you and with me. These verses say that he desires to uphold us with his right and he wants to hold our hand through the struggles we face. What an amazing portrait of God!

Love...

There are days when I feel so overwhelmed with love that I cannot stop basking in the beauty of Gods love for me. But its funny how easy it is to forget this love when I get caught up in my own meaningless struggles. I am perplexed at this contrast within myself. Why does it happen? But more importantly what can I do to stop it from happening? Why do I let the complications of my life cloud the simplicity of God's love? Yet in the midst of the fog there is a constant light, a reminder that God is there waiting for me to return to him. It is impossible for me to fathom the depth of Gods love for me and why he would knowingly choose to love a person that runs the opposite way so often.

I look around at peoples lives and wonder, "What is going on inside of you? What are you hiding?" Sometimes I feel like my entire life is a cover up of what is really going on beneath the surface. This stirs up thoughts and emotions about other people’s struggles. I wish I could spend just one day in the mind of one person, I would love to see if anyone is as messed up as I am.

I don’t exactly know what I am trying to get at by writing what I am except this: People cannot truly know peace without God. I, as a Christian do know God and yet I feel so much turmoil in my life. How do people get through life without knowing the God that I have come to know, love and depend on? How do they get through a single day without understanding the peace that God is able to give them? I intend to introduce this God of peace to these people who hide their inner turmoil by taking what they do not have to fill what they do not understand. I plan on showing God to these people in a way that they cannot look to anywhere but Jesus.

If you are one of the people I just described I hope that you will give me and this book a chance. I do not know what you are going through and I am not going to try to understand. There is one thing that I am confident of and that is that Jesus is the answer to any obstacle you may be facing. I know that seems cliché and completely insincere and out of touch, but I assure you it is truth.